With intentional parenting, parents move from defense to
offense. With this mindful, purposeful parenting, parents look at the bigger
picture of how they want their kids to grow up and then work backwards to
reverse-engineer that result, with a set of core values and their child’s
unique needs in mind. This approach is all about breaking away from the autopilot
parenting of what you were taught as a child and forging a deliberate path
ahead.
Here are a few ways you could become a more intentional parent:
Examples of intentional parenting could be focusing on core values
like kindness, honesty or resilience and making sure your actions are teaching
these values to your children. Is sharing something you want to emphasize in
everyday life? Or problem solving your main focus? An intentional parent has a
mission statement in their head for the long term and their actions short term
reflect this plan.
Gentle parenting has gotten so much attention as a soft
parenting style, often confused with permissive parenting. Intentional
parenting can go hand in hand with gentle parenting as a way to be even-tempered,
but firm. It's not about letting your kids do whatever they want, but it's not screaming them into submission either. Intentional
parents are careful about establishing boundaries, being clear in the
expectations and making sure their messages are age appropriate. Children
thrive and feel secure when they have structure and consistency and children
are also likely to have a better relationship with their parents long term
since intentional parenting builds trust, which then leads to emotional bonds.
When expectations are clear, there is less conflict and stress.
Here are a few ways you could become a more intentional parent:
2. Take the time to set your intentions.
What kind of parent do you want to be? Who do you
want your kids to be? These can be questions you ask yourself at the beginning of
your parenting journey, but also prompts to consider daily. Reflection or
journaling can be great ways to accomplish this.
3. Communicate mindfully.
Listen to your child without interrupting. Validate
their feelings and speak simply and clearly. Showing respect to your child
helps them later model this behavior back to you.
4. Regulate your own emotions.
When facing conflict, check in
with your own emotions. Take a breath and a beat if needed. Model regulating
your feelings, and not reacting impulsively as you’d want your child to do.
5. Make home a safe space.
When routines are established and
boundaries are clear, kids can have calm, nurturing environment to decompress
from the world and connect with you.
6. What are your goals?
Think about your child as an adult and then map out a plan
to get them there. What do they need to know? How can you convey this
information to them in an age appropriate way? Or better yet, how can you
reflect this information to them via your own actions and use everyday
situations as teachable moments?
7. Reflect often.
How did your day go? What can you
change tomorrow to make it better? What did my child learn and what did I learn?
It takes some work, but ideally the long term reward of an emotionally healthy adult whose
actions reflect your values make it worth it.