Elves on the Shelves love getting into overnight mischief in
between keeping a watch on children during the holiday season, but as these
photos show, the poor guys can only handle so much. Timmy Tinsel may love
scaling the walls and hanging from the chandelier, but one wrong move and he’s
out of commission for the rest of the season, or worse -- permanently.
The Hightower family discovered this the hard way when their
three elves, Jingle, Belle and Magic, were burnt to a crisp in the oven. When
mom Chelsea went out for a much-needed solo trip to Target, she forgot to tell husband
Matt where the elves were hiding. The day before, the elves had been chilling in
the fridge and decided to move to the oven to warm up. Wrapped in toilet paper with a sign that read “It's A LOT TOASTIER in here,” the elves got warmer than planned when Matt preheated the oven.
Next, Chelsea got a call on her cell from Matt: "Babe
I feel horrible *(insert long awkward pause*) I cooked the elves."
Luckily, Chelsea was able to rush their blackened
bodies to the Elfspital (aka the store) where, after being replaced by body
doubles, they were able to make a full "recovery." Chelsea posted the photos to Facebook
with the cautionary tale of "BAKE COOKIES NOT ELVES," and wiser words have never
been spoken.
Bob the Elf suffered a similar fate when he was perched on a
light fixture. Elves, as many people do not realize, are highly flammable and
melt like butter under a light bulb. Bob will now have to wear a permanent bandage around his
waist or get swapped out for a doppelgänger.
At least with some injuries, like severed limbs or burn marks, the elves
can be easily sewed up or dressed to cover their wounds. When trauma happens to
their faces, it is usually the end of the line.
Coco the Elf got an aggressive
makeover by a toddler with a magic marker, but, unfortunately, the clean-up took her entire
face off. Her humans tried to fix it, and the results were undesirable, to say the least (sorry for the nightmare fuel).
Coco’s lookalike had to take over.
You might want to avert
your eyes for this gory tale, in which an elf was burned so badly, she was
actually impaled by a light bulb. It’s unfortunate that the elf’s body is red, because this wound looks bad. According to the owner, she can be saved -- she was bandaged and is being supervised by Nurse Cinnamon (a fellow elf) and will receive a skin graft -- er, patch -- soon.
By far one of the worst injuries we've seen, aside from the baked elves, is Candy Cane Jack, who was given
a craniotomy while wrestling with Rosie the dog. Jack’s head was somehow glued
back together again, but as the scars show, he’ll never be quite the same. Kudos to his humans, who were able to make that noggin right again, even if his
emotional scars are lasting.
As you may know, once you
touch an elf, they lose their magic. But what happens if you need to snatch his
flaming body off a tree or wrestle him free from a dog’s jaws? If you do need
to perform elf CPR, here’s a little trick: A sprinkle of cinnamon will keep
him from losing his magic. That's one crisis averted.
So, please, keep Owen Ornament, Pixie Poinsettia and all of their elf friends safe this season. They are more fragile than you think.
And if things get really out of hand, there’s always another elf waiting at the store that looks just like yours in case a switcheroo must be done. Maybe that is immortality, after all?
Stay safe everyone, and keep an eye on those elves!