It's officially week two, and that means the first dates are here! I still have mixed feelings about this season and I'm not sure if that makes it the best ever or the worst ever or actually (finally) the most dramatic ever, but I can't make up my mind about a lot of things. The guys have been pretty unimpressive thus far if you ask me, but I find myself so intrigued by Becca that I don't even care about them. For once, she seems to be dating them rather than letting them date her, which is refreshing to say the least. She's running the show and doesn't wait for them to make her feel comfortable or impress her in any way. She starts the conversation and runs with it, and is merely waiting to see if they can keep up.
In short, you go girl. Now I get why everyone is so obsessed with Becca -- she both baffles and fascinates me, so I can only image how these guys feel.
The First Group Date
Let's just get this out in the open: the only thing worse than group interviews are group dates. It's hard enough trying to get to know someone on your own, let alone with a bunch of other people competing for their attention right alongside you. Is this a nightmare and we've all gone back to the second grade trying to compete for the teacher's favor to get extra treats during snack time? I'm cringing just thinking about it.
Clay the Football Player, Chris R., David, Jean Blanc, Jordan, Connor and Lincoln all head to a wedding date, though unfortunately they only got to don their Sunday best for a few short minutes. The boys all changed into full-on penguin suits and Jordan gave everyone a piece of Model Wisdom: "Before you put your socks on, put your confidence on." Put it on a Hallmark card, bro.
Then came a down and dirty obstacle course (with challenges like the "ball and chain" and "cold feet" -- eye roll) introduced by former Bachelorette Rachel and her betrothed, Bryan. I've gotta admit that I didn't love Rachel during her season and am still salty she didn't choose Peter, but the minute I saw her and Bryan together last night, I softened. Rachel for president.
Lincoln wins the challenge following some warning of shrinkage from Bryan (LOL) and as with all man-dominated athletic events, the rest of the guys accused him of cheating. HEY GUESS WHAT? It's just a show. Get the F over it.
For winning the challenge, Becca gives Lincoln a framed picture of the two of them. Connor has a bit of a psychotic break and proceeds to smash, then throw said picture into the pool. Becca confronts him and as he's "feeling embarrassed," he doesn't really know what to say. Men of "The Bachelorette," take this as a lesson: later at the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party, Connor brings Becca a photo of himself and tells her to throw "that guy" into the pool. Make light of a situation, self-deprecate and fix it. The end.
I've gotta say, not only was I annoyed with Lincoln this week, but I think Becca needs to send him home before something really weird happens between the two of them. Dude literally said that kissing Becca felt like “flying to the moon on the wings of a pegasus while dancing with unicorns on a pot of gold.” Um...I get it if she's a good kisser but damn, you have not had many good kisses in your life if you feel that strongly about Becca. He starts crying after Connor throws the picture in the pool. ACTUAL TEARS. Mark my words: he is the type of guy who would tell Becca that he loves her after three weeks and think it's totally normal.
In a shocking turn of a events, Jean Blanc the Cologne Guy was way more interesting and charming this week than last. Becca praises him for winking at her during the obstacle course, ("I didn't think you saw that.") and he was one of the few guys who didn't look like he was trying to eat her face off when he finally kissed her. First group date rose, fittingly, goes to him.
Hulk Smash
Blake gets the first one-on-one date which, luckily for him, was organized by Chris Harrison so you know it will be good. Lil Jon makes an appearance and DJs while Becca and Blake smash an entire room to smithereens. We're talking TVs with Arie and Becca's breakup video playing, cars and even bottles of champagne (RIP). Weird date? Yes. But I am very here for it.
Confirmed: Lil Jon sounds the same IRL as he does on the radio. So there's that.
Blake isn't the most exciting guy in the group, but he will go far this season simply because he's a good guy with good intentions who won't stir the pot. He's cute. He's a sweetheart. He understands heartbreak. I don't think he'll win because in the end Becca will decide he's too boring for her. But he will make it to hometowns, at least.
<p><b>Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and Dodge</b></p>
For the second group date, the boys get primed and ready to play a game of ultimate dodgeball at a trampoline park. They have a short warm-up run by a little girl with pigtails that can only be described as a "savage," and then proceed to pummel the bejeezus out of each other in the name of sport love.
"Becca looks like she has her sh*t together -- I don't usually go after girls who have their sh*t together," says Ryan. Is that supposed to be a compliment...?
Colton reveals that he has history with Becca's friend Tia, a fellow contestant on the last season of "The Bachelor." He insists that it was short-lived and that "the timing wasn't right [with Tia] to grow what was a spark into a flame.” Becca still admits that it makes her "feel a little bit sick," which is fair.
Wills gets the second group date rose, which I will never understand because he is such a big dull dud.
Rose Ceremony
First of all, this happened:
I swear, Jordan is like a mix between Robbie Hayes and Chad Johnson. It was only a matter of time before someone got naked on the show, although I'll admit that I didn't expect it to be so soon and I didn't expect it to happen during a rose ceremony. Although I may or may not need to change my Twitter bio to say "tick tock, let's make it rock."
David: "Are you more than a model?"
Jordan: "Are you more than a human?"
Ah, the existential question strikes again.
Goodbye to Rickey, Alex and Trent. Nope, I don't know who any of them are, either.
Next week on the most dramatic recap ever: Tia makes an appearance and as usual, someone probably cries.