Ahhh, the Real Housewives. Bravo’s pride and joy. “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” kicked off their ninth season in February, and apparently there wasn’t enough real drama to keep the series going, because they haven’t stopped talking about this damn dog.
Background
Puppygate has about three relevant parties and some hangers-on that just want to throw their opinion into the mix.
While you can read all about Dorit Kemsley, Teddi Mellencamp, Lisa Rinna and Kyle Richards elsewhere, one important thing to note is about show veteran Lisa Vanderpump. She owns a dog rescue center called Vanderpump Dogs and employs two relevant players: executive director John Sessa and event manager John Blizzard.
Oh, and there’s Lucy Lucy Apple Juice. Who is a dog. With a Twitter account.
Before the cameras started rolling on season 9, Kemsley, looking to adopt a dog, naturally hit up Vanderpump Dogs, where she met Lucy Lucy Apple Juice (whom I will be referring to by her full name for the length of this analysis, because it’s too damn good not to). Ultimately, Lucy Lucy Apple Juice didn’t work with the Kemsley family -- she allegedly bit Kemsley’s children and husband. Kemsley found what she called a “beautiful home” for the puppy instead, and gave her away.
Unfortunately, this new home didn’t work out, either, and Lucy Lucy Apple Juice was placed in a kill shelter. She was traced back to Vanderpump Dogs after having her microchip scanned at this new shelter, normal practice.
Vanderpump was not pleased. Not only is it bad business for a random shelter to call in saying they have one of her organization’s dogs, but Vanderpump loves dogs more than 99 percent of the people on this planet -- her dogs mean the world to her, and the fact that one of them ended up at a kill shelter upset her.
What happened?
Buckle up, because none of this makes sense and it’s super dicey.
Kemsley claims she wasn’t aware that Lucy Lucy Apple Juice ended up at the shelter until Vanderpump did, and Vanderpump doesn’t dispute that. Though Vanderpump wishes Kemsley had simply brought Lucy Lucy Apple Juice back to Vanderpump Dogs, she wasn’t angry. In episode 1, she said, “Maybe in [Dorit’s] mind, she believed it was going to a good home. There is no way she would have given the dog away to be dropped off at a shelter. I stand by that.”
So, done and dusted, right? Oh, please.
Lucy Lucy Apple Juice ended up back at Vanderpump Dogs, safe and sound, when Sessa greeted Richards and Mellencamp by showing them the puppy and explaining what happened. Even though Vanderpump had let it go, he hadn’t.
“It was not handled properly. I’m pissed and everyone here’s pissed,” he said on the show.
Mellencamp, meanwhile, had already heard about the puppy situation from Blizzard.
The core of the problem here is that Kemsley and Mellencamp have never been on great terms, and the fact that Blizzard told Mellencamp about the puppy ordeal meant Mellencamp knew something that could hurt Kemsley’s reputation. And Mellencamp didn’t want to be considered a gossip. OK, so that's the first chunk of the ordeal.
Then Rinna got involved. She’s claiming that all of the drama was a set-up by Vanderpump to cause issues between Kemsley and Mellencamp, since it was her employee that was prancing the puppy around while the cameras were rolling. Remember, everything happened before filming began this season -- any discussion of Lucy Lucy Apple Juice on camera is way past necessary.
“All Lisa Vanderpump wants to do is punish Dorit about the dog,” she said on the show. “She can’t do it, so she had her boys do it. She doesn’t want to get her hands dirty,” and she told Vanderpump, “You should have protected Dorit. He’s your employee. This wouldn’t get out there if you didn’t want it out there.”
Then Blizzard came out and said he told Mellencamp that Vanderpump wanted to set her up as Rinna accused...but that he had made it up.
Vanderpump claimed she doesn't talk to Blizzard outside the shelter, Vanderpump came prepared with text messages between Mellencamp and Blizzard that supposedly had Mellencamp instructing Blizzard to bring the puppy out on camera, Mellencamp admitted she was in on a scheme with him but backed out...and so it goes.
*takes deep, calming breath*
At this point, there’s so much he said/she said going on that it’s nearly impossible to tell who’s actually in the wrong -- if anyone. Kemsley, though, has taken Mellencamp’s side, saying, “Teddi is owning her part. Teddi was caught in a lie but at least she’s taking ownership of that. Lisa Vanderpump, she plotted against me behind by back to hurt me. A friend doesn’t do that to someone.”
Vanderpump is still defending herself, claiming that she never wanted talk about Lucy Lucy Apple Juice on camera at all, never mind hurt Kemsley in the process.
Richards, meanwhile, seems to see what’s going on: “It’s very clear to me. Lisa wanted Teddi to have that information about Dorit, then Blizzard let Lisa know, ‘Okay jobs done, Teddi knows about the dog.’ And then Lisa texts Dorit, ‘Teddi knows’ just to stir up sh*t between Dorit and Teddi.”
What do we think about it?
I can barely tell who is who anymore, let alone form a viable opinion. I just have questions.
Did Lucy Lucy Apple Juice find a loving home?
Is her name still Lucy Lucy Apple Juice?
Why are grown women gossiping with men in their 20s?
Does Raquel Leviss still work at Vanderpump Dogs? Where’s she in all of this?
What does everyone else think?
The general consensus seems to be that none of this matters. Even the other Real Housewives -- who get into equally asinine arguments, so this is saying something -- are over it.
Mostly, though, everyone’s just confused. The intricacies of the friendships here and following who said what to who, and when, is proving difficult for even the most avid Bravo watchers.
Need a drink?
Have a vodka Red Bull because this is all trash.