Listen, I think the shows within Bachelor Nation are just as silly as the next person (a reality show about finding love, if anything, should be ironic), but no one can deny that the drama coming out of the franchise right now is too good. I take breaks every now and then from "The Bachelor" and its spinoffs, but boy did I pick a good time to jump back in. Hannah Brown's season of "The Bachelorette" just wrapped and "Bachelor in Paradise" premiered literally the following week, so we didn't even get a break to process one form of drama before more started! Let's have fun with this.
Background
If you’re not familiar with the layout of Bachelor Nation, let’s first start with “The Bachelorette.” A large group of men entered a competition for, most recently, Miss Alabama USA Hannah Brown. After respective seasons of “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette,” about 20 rejected singles (the ones who didn’t “win” their seasons) who appeared on either show in the past get back together for “Bachelor in Paradise.” This spinoff follows a similar format, where dates are had and roses are given out, but it’s more about mingling and finding potential connections with people who have been through similar experiences as you.
While the marriage ratio from “The Bachelor(ette)” isn’t that great, plenty of couples have gone from Paradise to happily ever after, so something about it is working -- just look at Jade and Tanner!
Let’s go through the players here:
- Hannah Brown: Our most recent Bachelorette, who got engaged to Jed Wyatt at the end of her season but quickly called it off when she realized he hadn’t been honest with her about a past relationship. There’s plenty of drama to dip into there, but it’s been beat to death, and, honestly, giving Wyatt even more of a platform is not on my agenda.
- Tyler Cameron: Brown’s runner-up, a Florida native who has abs for days and an authenticity to match. Great guy altogether.
- Blake Horstmann: Becca Kufrin’s runner-up (she’s still engaged to Garrett Yrigoyen), who’s currently making his second appearance on “Bachelor in Paradise.”
- Caelynn Miller-Keyes: Formerly from Colton Underwood’s season of “The Bachelor,” Caelynn is having her first go on “Paradise.”
- Kristina Schulman: Having previously vied for Nick Viall’s heart, Kristina made a surprise appearance this week for her second round of “Paradise.”
Not everyone is connected, but it’s important to note that all these people have friendships and relationships off screen as well, so there’s always more to the story than what we see.
What happened?
Let’s start with Hannah.
When Hannah Brown’s “Bachelorette” finale aired, our hearts broke for her. Brown (even at just 24 years old) was ready to get engaged and start the next chapter of her life, and she thought she found that in Jed Wyatt. When we learned during her finale that she ended her engagement, everyone was stoked! And then we were even more stoked -- or, depending how you look at it, jealous -- when her runner-up Tyler Cameron showed up and she asked him out. The two were absolutely giddy around each other, and it was obvious that there was more to their love story to explore.
Cut to about a week later, when TMZ released photos of Cameron leaving Brown’s place early in the morning. It looked like a wink wink nudge nudge morning after to us all, especially since sources claimed they kissed good-bye. All was well in Bachelor Nation: Brown was going to get her mans after all.
But Cameron’s a single guy! And he had caught the attention of one Gigi freakin’ Hadid. And they went out...twice.
Brown made a statement, just because no one would stop asking her what she thought of the two models spending time together: “I have feelings, but I’m also single and he’s single and I want to keep my options open and he can keep his options open,” she told Entertainment Tonight. “We are trying to figure out how we feel...I'm working on Hannah and loving Hannah, and so, you know, if that means going to have a drink again with somebody else, then I'm all for it.”
Let’s all remember that we have no idea what goes on behind the scenes.
Meanwhile, “Bachelor in Paradise” contestants are in shambles. During the premiere, everyone was gaga over Blake Horstmann. And, I mean, same -- he was my favorite during Kufrin’s season and things were looking good for him. Until Caelynn Miller-Keyes -- rightly so! -- began talking to other contestants about her past with him.
The story is a little skewed depending on who’s telling it, but it sounds like Miller-Keyes and Horstmann were spending a lot of time together before “Paradise.” Miller-Keyes says it was a full-blown relationship; Horstmann claims it was casual. Enter Kristina Schulman, who Horstmann also dated in the months leading up to “Paradise.” With all three of them on the beach in Mexico together (and the fact that Horstmann had relations with the two of them on back to back nights while a group was attending the Stagecoach music festival...), things got m e s s y.
Naturally, both women confronted Horstmann, tears were shed (by all parties), and Horstmann took it farther by releasing private text messages between him and Miller-Keyes, which you can read here.
While Horstmann believes the texts corroborated his side of the story (that he and Miller-Keyes weren’t in a committed relationship, so what she said on the show wasn’t entirely true), it probably wasn’t the best move. Miller-Keyes responded in her own post, but do we dare think that this is the end of it all?
What do we think about it?
Hannah and Tyler: They are attractive! single! adults! The point of post-“Bachelor” life is to see where your heart lies without cameras and a billion other people around. Hannah and Tyler should explore where their relationship stands, if it even does, but Tyler should also explore a young, beautiful model who’s vying for his attention. After all, Hannah didn’t pick him in the end -- is he OK with knowing that he was her second choice?
Personally, if there’s chemistry, there’s chemistry, and decisions made within the confines of the show should be taken with a grain of salt, anyway. So, if Tyler wants to give a relationship with Hannah a shot, I’d think it would work. But fans getting all in a tizzy about him hanging out with Gigi Hadid are silly -- you’re saying you wouldn’t go out with an exotic model?
Blake: Blake, man...get it together. Since the “Bachelor in Paradise” episodes have aired, it seems like he’s done a bit more soul-searching and understands a little bit more how his actions were grimy, and his remorse is evident (unless he’s a really good actor), but we’re all going to need a little time to forgive him.
It was a gross move, regardless of the circumstances surrounding it -- frankly, I don’t care if he and Miller-Keyes were ever truly together or not, you don’t sh*t where you sleep. He should have stayed far away from her and Schulman after things ended between them.
I can respect the way Horstmann has since owned up to his actions -- because on the show, he didn’t, really -- but not taking the women’s sides on this one just facilitates more toxic male behavior. At the same time, you can tell that Horstmann at his core is not a bad dude, so maybe he just needs to stew in his mistakes for a little while and come out a better man for it. We shouldn’t let him off the hook, but there should be an opportunity for a chance to redeem himself...not that he’s doing such a great job so far.
What does everyone else think?
Opinions are split, of course. A lot of fans see it in a really black and white way, so either Blake is wrong, or Caelynn and Kristina are wrong, and it all rides on exactly what words they’ve used.
As long as you have all the info, just try to form your own opinion.
Need a drink?
Try The Paradise Pentagon:
- 1 part pineapple juice
- 1 part tears
- 1 shot tequila
- 1 more shot tequila
- 1 part Demi Burnett one-liner
- Shake, pour and sip with some side-eye